Mood:
quizzicalIt is sometimes hard to be a stepmother.
Mike's daughter has not been over to our house to pick up her mail in a long time. She temporarily went to live with her boyfriend. I certainly haven't opened up any of her mail but there are bills and what looks like official state business.
I told Mike last weekend that he needed to call his daughter and tell her that it looks like she has some important mail waiting for her. Mike told me then that he wants a divorce from his daughter. He wants them to part ways and that she go live her life separate from him living his life. It was his decision as a parent not to call her and to let her suffer the consequences of not picking up her mail. I have to abide by his decision and not call her myself, it wouldn't be my place to do that.
So I worry that she isn't getting her mail and what might be the consequence of that. I am worrying far more than her father is worrying. I wish I could quit worrying. Obviously her father isn't worrying. The reluctance to calling my own flesh n' blood isn't the kind of relationship I would want to have with my own daughter. But her father makes up the rules of how we are going to interact with her. Apparently at this time he feels the need for distance more than I do.
We joke that we will hear from her when her car breaks down and she needs money to fix it. It isn't a funny joke, it is a sad joke.
This spring Mike and I are going to fix up a car that was given to us by my sister. It has sat in a garage for over eight years. It has very low mileage and we are going to offer it to his daughter for her to buy. We had an episode where she owed us money and was paying it back bit by bit when suddenly she stopped paying. She was expecting a baby and wanted to save her money instead of paying back Mike and I what she owed. The decision was never discussed, we just stopped getting money. Eventually we dismissed her debt, losing $800. Now, because of that experience we will request that she get a car loan from the bank if she wants the car. The irony is that because she is young and earns little probably Mike will have to co-sign the loan. But the important thing is that she will be obligated to the bank and not us. Mike is betting that she won't want the car because it doesn't have four wheel drive and isn't cool looking enough. I think that having his daughter come live with us has damaged his opinion of her. I don't know about Mike, but I certainly had a better relationship with his daughter before we became close. The closeness ended up in her saying hurtful things to me that I can't forget. Does the past sometimes keep me up at night? Yes. I get a shot of adrenalin re-living memories of the last fight. I don't doubt that the daughter has moved on and spares little thought about me. I hope time heals wounds.
