Mood:
hug meI'm sick with a cold. Had to call in to the museum on Momday to be excused from volunteer duty, was feeling weak and sounded bad too.
Sunday night the cold started with strange feelings, I couldn't tell if I was getting physically sick or mentally sick. I've had so much mental suffering lately that physical trouble seemed to be something all in my head too. I love my life, I hate my life, all I can do lately on this blog is whine.
Painted today, mostly sitting in a chair.
Reading a juvenile fantasy book.
I'm scared that people are looking at my artwork in the library, I'm scared that nobody is looking at my artwork in the library. Tomorrow night there is a big lecture in the library and hopefully some of the people attending will come to my lecture as well. Have to go back to the library tomorrow before their lecture, on Frank Lloyd Wright's later architecture and put little sticky numbers next to my artwork that makes it correspond to a title and price sheet. Right now the numbers are on little purple dots. I want to buy white stickers and cut them up into small white squares and write the numbers on that instead. It is a small detail. But white will be more inconspicuous than purple.
I wish I could drink a bit of red wine to combat the cold but I don't dare. Geodone is working now, must not upset the chemical soup in my head. Not feeling suicidal during the day, just a bit at night.
Answered a question today emailed from a graduate student. The student is very nice but I felt dirty discribing what it was like to be a sick person. I'd like to shut down the website and the blog and just paint. It is just a temporary mood. But I think I'm tired of the illness and being an ill person. Tired. Tired of being a cheerful educator. My nose won't stop dripping and my throat hurts.
I'm going to have that bit of wine after all.
