Mood:
smellyMike and I had a terrific fight three nights ago. While London was out seeing a friend I scrawled words in lipstick on the bathroom mirror (cleaned it up quickly) and gave my wedding band back to Mike. Mike slept on the couch. The next day we emailed each other;
"
Hi love. Exhausted here. How about you? I'm very lost this morning. I'm always lost without you, I think. Put my wedding ring back on. Thank you for telling me that you loved me this morning. It was the best way to start the day."
"Darling; Always I love you. I know that many times it is not you—but your illness talking through you—that makes for harsh words and conflict. I try to forget these things as quickly as they happen. I also am exhausted, but I’m doing okay. I look forward to seeing you again tonight as always."
The trouble started three nights ago when we had a surprise visitor at 10:30pm. Mike and I were in bed ready to sleep when our dog Plum started barking something fierce when London came home from work. Plum would not stop and she was very upset, she had retreated to the bedroom to bark. I got out of bed to see what was wrong and I saw a man in the kitchen petting Cerberus. London had brought a friend home from work with her.
The next morning London appologized for Plum's reaction and I said that I didn't feel comfortable in my night clothes being surprised by a stranger, that she needed to tell us before hand when she was bringing a friend into the house. London again appologized about Plum's barking, conveniently ignoring the issue of whether or not her friends would be announced prior to their coming over. In the house rules that Mike and I created before London came to visit us we said that she could have friends over to stay as late as 11pm. So really, by the house rules, London had done nothing wrong.
But I kept on thinking about what had happened. I realized that I had been very disturbed, that I felt like my safety had been violated and that I did NOT want strangers walking in and out of the apartment. This apartment is my last refuge of safety, it is a place that I go to retreat from the world. Psychologically I need a safe place where everything is predictable and controled, as much as possible. I need it to be stable and sane. We are three people two dogs and two cats living in a small apartment together. There is no room, no peace of mind, if London starts putting more people into the apartment mix.
I'm sorry. I'm upset and I can't write any more about this topic.
Posted by dignifyme
at 8:29 AM EDT
Updated: Saturday, 16 September 2006 9:07 AM EDT
