Mood:
quizzicalTopic: family
Yes, the idea of having London cart the dog around with her has been bothering me too. I'm new at being a parent and making up rules.
What went through my head today way, "What if London goes out to a club dancing in a city and someone steals her dog?" Or, "What if the temperature in the car is freezing and the dog gets cold?" What Mike and I want is for London to take responsiblity and keep her promises. When she arrived to live with us she arrived with a puppy who she claimed was "her best friend" and who she would take everywhere with her and for whom we would never have to be responsible. (As I write this Cerberus is lying at my feet. London is in school. We take care of the dog a lot.)
My husband has never had a dog, the dog he carted around when he was homeless was London's dog named Coco. Eventually Coco found a new home with a recently divorced Dad who was missing both his kids and the dogs who now lived with his former wife. When a child has a dog you can expect the parent to end up taking a lot of responsibility for the animal. But London is 21 and she felt it necessary to get a dog at this time even though her life was very unstable. Now that she has the dog, if Mike and I always end up taking care of it she basically ditches the consequences and responsibility of her decision in our lap.
I am having a change of heart about the dog, though. My mind really was shocked when I came home today from my Museum volunteer job and saw that London had done the dishes. She didn't have to, I think it was my turn. It was a very "family" sort of thing to do. Taking care of the house without being asked.
From my view point London has been searching for safe, secure family her entire life. It is like a core theme of her life, not of her own creation, but from the situations that have been imposed on her by the adults around her. What Mike and I are offering her here now in Vermont is very stable, and growing more family orientated. We three ARE growing into a family. So then, doesn't family take care of the pets together?
Telling London that she needs to tote Cerberus around with her, I think, was a ploy to stop the integration of the family. It was a sign saying "Don't take advantage of us!" and "Our lives are separate from yours!" "Remember, your living here is only temporary!" But the more I think about it, the more I want to encourage emotional reliance and bonding. There is that old image of the mama bird pushing the baby bird out of the nest, forcing it to fly. Mike and I have felt that that that was our job with London. And yet, the lure of family life is strong. Tomorrow night is "London night" where we cook what she wants for dinner and watch togther whatever movie she choses. Tomorrow we will probably eat steak for dinner and watch the Walt Disney animated movie "Pocohantus".
One night recently l said to London, "Let me tell you a secret. If I let myself care for you, and you reject me, I will be devistated. It takes a long time for me to make a friend and I don't trust easily."
London had tears in her eyes and she said, "I don't trust easily either."
I've been thinking about the strengths of family, and I think that family always gives you a second chance. They let you make mistakes. That is where the permenence lies. You don't have to be perfect, just as good as you can be at the time. My family never, ever gave up on me. Maybe Mike and I should focus more on giving London a family here instead of temporary shelter as she tries to get her college degree.
