Mood:
downTopic: mental health
Woke up this morning and had a hard time focusing my eyes. I don't think that my eyeballs were synchronated. Or the lenses in them weren't dialating right. Neither could I tolerate bright light very well. Probably it is because I became over-medicated yesterday flying home from San Francisco. I needed to keep on popping pills. We arrived at the airport by Taxi in California at 11am and finally left the airport in Connecticut with our car at 12:30am, arriving in Vermont a little after 2am. I drove part way home with clear vision. It was only when the adrenelin and anxiety ended and after a long night's sleep that the extra medication in my system started giving me side effects.
The Geodone isn't working well. I get these moody spells where I feel dark about myself and the world. Something in my chest feels constricted and I have anxiety about nothing in particular. I can feel it right now, that there are things wrong with the world and that my future is grim.
Upon arriving home and reading my email I discovered that my artwork, "Karen With Pineapple" on the May 2007 cover of the psychiatric journal "Schizophrenia Bullitain". I'm going to get a copy and have the cover framed. Ha, if I were on better medication I would be happy about this honor all day long.
I just spent $100 ordering a 3 month's supply of Geodone so I'm going to take the drug until my supply runs out. It isn't like I have any heavy responsibilities. No children or normal job so I don't have to be in peak form. I am giving a lecture on October 25th at the town library on "Schizophrenia, Art & Recovery" which still needs to be written and get promoted. All I really want to do is paint but I suppose that tomorrow I will go to the town library to work on my script (of which several drafts already exist). When I was a kid I'd start working on my Halloween costume in September, and the old habits stick. I start early working on the things that really matter to me.
