Mood:
a-okTopic: art in progress
Yesterday I spent a good two hours at the library making copies of my drawing. I was increasing the size. Had to cut pieces, (add an arm, add a head, add the bottom of the feet) and then tape them together because the copy machine only has one size paper. There was my naked man at 125%, 118%, 112% and 108%.
In the evening I put the different sized men on my board. There is already a lady sketched in, so the men had to not only fit in the board but fit in the composition with another figure. To my surprise, nothing pleased me. I rooted around and found a copy of the man at the original 100%. Today's task will be to redraw his head quite a bit smaller. I had got all hot about the length of his legs and chest but now I realize that making a small head will promise me a large body - the body will be "enlarged" in the viewer's perception with a small head.
While I was at the library I felt a little bit of quiet fear. Just a nagging fear of the people around me that was easily overcome with common sense and control. Such a haunting occured when I was on the weaker drug Risperdal about 7 years ago. Fear is a big part of many people's schizophrenia and it is definately a symptom that I will have to live with. I'm not naturally inclined to trust, every since I was a child the world has always been split in two, with numerous acquaintences and the few, hard won friends.
I'm sticking with the Geodone. After this post I'm planning to go to the woods for a walk with my dog. It is early in the morning and pleasantly cool. The energy I feel within that makes the walk possible (a natural energy, the spring in the step of normal, drug free folk) is a result of the switch to Geodone. My mind might be weaker, but given time my body will become strong again, - and more years added to my lifetime. Obesity always results in an early death. I need the energy of Geodone for my physical health.
